The Misbehaving Child
You ever see.....I mean HEAR the child? You know the one that's 14 gazillion aisles over and you can hear them whining and screaming. "But I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant itttttttttt! waaaaah!!" Then they say "I hate you mommy, you are a meanie and I don't like you anyway!" You look around because you just had a flashback to your childhood. For a split second you see your life flash before your eyes, because you envisioned saying that to your parent...and instinctively you duck! You know that you would have been in instant trouble...you know what I mean!
But you tune back in, I mean you can't help it, the whine is getting closer and closer. And you hear the Mom read from the Nowadays Mom script, "now I expect you to behave, your not being a good little boy, your the best sweetie but I'm going to put your toy back." And as the scream reaches a fever pitch, HERE follows the most famous Nowadays Mom line EVER.......drum roll!! "You are SO going to be in time out when you get home, mister!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh what is wrong with her?
You walk away just in time, to see the other I'masecondfromlosingmymind Mom who is at her wits end. She is gritting her teeth, has a stern look on her face. This as her loud children touch everything in sight, hanging off her basket. She then says in a low deep (slightly demented tone), "Johnny you come back here, Rah-hight N-OWah!" (pronouncing each syllable slowly and purposely)..as he runs up and down the aisles, ignoring his mothers brewing rage,"HaWhyyy woooont yoooou Buh-hee-have?"Poooof, smoke just came out of her ears! She is on the verge of going postal...or leaving the kids in the basket and exiting the store alone. You think, "Woah lady take it down a notch!" But It's like they all read the same book, and are repeating the same lines.
And realistically many of us Mom's have been in either of these women shoes. We feel like we have no control over our kids and they do not listen.
And last but certainly not least is the I'getit Mom, that walks by. She is calm her children are chattering quietly, well groomed, behaving, they listen as though they each play a part in a symphony. And if your either of the first two Mom's you wonder, How she does it? They must just be good kids. Chances are, that it was, not just by chance. So, HOWDOES she do it? And how can you get there too?
What are some things you can do to help your children behave in a store?
Boundries, not everyone likes them, but everyone needs them. And these start when your child is very young. In infancy! Some things are Non-negotiable in life. Wearing a seat belt, you require it, because it makes them safe. Teaching them Good Behavior and Self-Control are just as important as that seat belt.
1. Plan ahead
Teach them how you expect them to behave in the store. BEFORE you shop! It takes a few times, but they WILL get it if you are CONSISTENT! If you want them to stay in the basket. Make them stay in the basket. As they get older, teach them that it is a privilege to walk with you, a responsibility. I used to say "If you cannot touch me, you are too far." And if one does not listen, have an immediate consequence. For a smaller child, that means you get in the basket for the rest of the trip. An older child, you hold on to the basket for the rest of the trip.
Tip- Be consistent.
2. Fair Warning
Fits! Screaming Tantrums, kicking legs, Saying mean things to you! Do Not allow it!!!!! Period. Remember the Seat belt..non-negotiabe. But teaching them that starts at home.
Before you go into the store remind them. While you are still calm and in the car! MOMS of the WORLD!!! It's okay to say with authority, "You better NOT.....pause....... under any circumstances.....pause....go into this store.....pause...... and scream, pause...kick, pause..... whine, or shout......longest pause. Do you understand? (Do not let them see you laugh, as you remember each purposeful pause, in your head) lol!
If they DO pitch a fit. Follow up with an immediate consequence...Here is the real dinger STICK WITH IT! So if you put back the toy, say "We are putting this back because you broke the rule, you did not listen, you threw a fit. And I warned you. Remember the conversation we had in the car. Now if you continue, you will be in trouble at home as well. AND I will not buy it the next time either." And if they do not stop, remind them the next time. "Well the last time you threw a fit, and remember I told you that if you did not stop that I would NOT buy it the next time either"......then here comes the balance. "Lets see if you can behave today, and we will see about the next time, OK?"
But if they did stop the fit last time, tell them "last time you had to leave your toy, today lets see how you do." Ask, "what is my rule about fits in the store?" Have them repeat it back to you, "no fits, no screaming, whining, kicking or shouting." Soon enough they will remember, and a quick reminder will be all it takes.
Its OK to give a warning when you see the whining or impatience beginning, just say "Ah ah, you sound like your starting too whine" or whatever the behavior is, "now would be the time to stop." NIP IT IN THE BUD! Before it really starts to get out of hand.
Tip- Tell them what you expect before hand. NIP BAD BEHAVIOR IN THE BUD
3. Feed them first
A hungry child can become frustrated easily. Of course there are times when you are rushing and they are hungry. This doesn't mean a free for all...."you didn't feed me so I can act crazyyyyyy!" You can say "I know your hungry, we will eat as soon as we are done. But I still expect you to behave."
Tip-Go after Breakfast or Lunch when they are least hungry or tired.
4. Fill in the blanks- Teach them what you expect of them.
Running up and down the aisles, Talking loud or all at the same time, Playing in Clothing displays, Hanging off the baskets, Touching Store Items, Asking, Can we get it? All of these can drive a mom cuckoo catchoo! But it seems like all kids have done one or all of these at some time or another. Once again here is where Mom comes in. Are you on the cellphone? Distracted? Tired? PMS'ing ing ing? Impatient? Maintaining order will help in these times.
Do they know what you expect? It's not always enough to tell a child not to do something. Its like leaving a blank, and you have to fill it in. So tell them what they can do. Preferably BEFORE hand. Like... "I expect you to walk next to me, but I am going to have you help me shop?"" Ok Johnny, We need apples, these are on sale, pick out 6 nice ones without dents. I'll hold the bag. Now you 3 stand there and behave like gentle men, and Timmy you are next, ok?" Then it's Timmy's turn. "Look at this bag of grapes, see these are moldy, can you gelp me pick one that's has good grapes in it? Are you 3 still behaving? Ok, just making sure."
See your in control, they each have a role and everyone feels important, not because Mommy keeps pouring on the false fake, Your the BEST line, every 3 seconds but because they develop a sense of accomplishment. By behaving well.
Tip- Prepare them ahead of time
5. The NOT EVERYTIME reward
And now your at the end of your shopping trip (IT'S TAKEN A FEW VISITS TO GET HERE) at the register...your boys have behaved like little aces, so you say.."since you've done well so far, How would you like to quietly pick out one candy each for .60 or less? Ok guys, quickly and quietly." Then when you get to the car, a simple "good jobs guys," and follow up with,"we wont get candy every time, so do not expect it" (just until they do not expect it for every trip). "But I am proud of you today!"
And then stop, take a little breath...pause..... smile! Because you both did it. You were the Igetit Mom today, that other Nowadays Moms can look too!
Tip- Be balanced, good behavior doesn't get a reward every time, it's an expectation you have.
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